stigma

i am currently in the phase of discovering batch reunions. and just recently, i've discovered that i am loving it. well, it was a long way from the very different me who sans the memory of high school life...hay skul, i used to say. i am singing a different tune now.

i have several realizations after the nine and a half years i did not see some of my high school batchmates. and at this age, i am amazed to have found out that we've grown quite differently from what i am expecting.

i've realized that almost all of the guys had a crush (at one point in their HS life) on two of our girl batchmates... quite expected really because those two are the batch's prettiest.

i've realized that some of the coolest guys grew up to be the biggest jerks. consequently, some of the boring nerds and uncool, un-'crushable' types grew up to be admirable and responsible men. and there are still those, who, after six months short of a decade, are still blissfully unaware and misinformed.

some never moved on after their first heartbreaks; while some found their better half among the batch. and there are those who, until now, are still working on their courage to tell somebody their true feelings.

nine years is a long time. some lost weight; some gained it. some bloomed while some withered; others never seemed to have changed at all. and there are some who said goodbye to the batch a bit earlier than they should have to. they are missed; their memories still etched in the hearts of those of us who remains.

i realized that time will never stop for anyone and that every minute counts. time wasted will never be recovered. we can never take too many pictures. some of the best things remained undocumented. there are memories that until this day remained indescribeable and inexpressible; they remain as emotions too poignant to be forgotten.

so, eventhough i failed to tell every single one of my batchmates how thankful i am that they became part of my life, i will never again go back to that phase when i seemed to want to forget them. xox

bits...

post transported from my other blog in multiply.

i have to write this, i really do.

i had the craziest dream last night. in that dream, i was alternating my 'reality' between baguio and diliman, and mountain province, and writing down entries in this blog.

i miss baguio and UP, and i think, that due to the rather nostalgic visit to sayoterepublic yesterday, that i had this dream.

begin dream...

i was in a some sort of lodge with tita, tito and raymond. and i was looking out of the window, admiring the view of UP Baguio among the landscape of trees and mountain. and i was writing in a blog on tita's laptop to peaches de guzman (a talented photographer whose work i admire and whose site i almost always visit; and the friend of my friend george). i was writing:

dear peaches,
you should see the view of UP baguio after summer. the leaves are just beginning to fall and i couldn't help but wonder at the beauty of God's creation. the leaves in green and brown, perfect against the landscape of greenish-bluish mountain; and the view of my beloved alma mater in green and maroon, majestic against it all. you should see it from where i am...

and then forgetting i do not know where i am, i nudged my cousin raymond, who was blissfully reading a book, beside me.

i asked: "asan nga tayo ulit 'aymon?"

and he said, "mountain province" without so much a glance at me.

i can remember my exact words as i write it in my blog because i was reading and re-rereading it; though i do not doubt that i cannot see UP baguio from a small lodge in mountain province; or that i'd exchange correspondence with peaches de guzman.

and then before i realize it, i was in UP baguio, in the spot where manang mane used to be, but by now a rather lonely looking visitors' lobby of the new UP baguio (its structures in white, pink and green haha). there was some campaign going on, with students infront of oble, holding some assembly of sort. i can read the ACS and CADUA banners, and the frats, soros, confrats and org banners lining the covered walk to the guard house. and i approached a girl wearing a CADUA shirt.

i asked her, "gurl, are you from the north?"

and she said, "hindi po, taga-sorsogon po ako."

and then i asked, "do you know the meaning of CADUA?"

and then she looked at me with that look that said "duh?"

and then i realized we were in diliman, infront of the UP theater, and i saw a former schoolmate named Au (short-haired lady, i do not really remember except for the name and appearance and that she's in the batch below us. i can't exactly remember by how many years), looking at me rather contemptuously because i was talking to the girl in CADUA shirt.

and the girl i was talking to whispered to me: "galit yata siya ate, kilala mo ba siya?"

me: "sino? si Au? oo, schoolmate ko yun. sa up baguio. ikaw ba?"

the girl: "hindi, diliman ako, nung first year pa."

and then i was back in UP baguio, talking to manang mani in the old UP Baguio and i was telling her, "miss ko na po dito. yung lumang buildings, ung 20's at yung hagdan papuntang HD (humanities division)."

and then i woke up. no joke. i woke up, sweaty and nostalgic.

as i've said, i miss baguio, and UP baguio and the people i used to know.